This will probably sounds like just a shit storm of words flying maniacally from my overstuffed brain onto this page. If that is what you get from this then you would be right. I swear to god I am trapped in a life that I am not sure is not my own. It is just a life. I feel, I don’t know, stuck. This is actually made much more unbearable by the fact that nobody is really stuck. We are all free to just take the left turn instead of the right and just keep going. Get my drift? Just, leave. Sounds exciting, and it is. I have done it. The only problem is that you’re overstuffed brain follows right along. And we’ve come full circle.
It feels like I am reaching some sort of psychological crisis due to the fact that I am experiencing only psychological input and no output. What am I meant to be doing? I am good at many things, but I am not mastering any. I feel spread thin. I have too many unfinished projects, abandoned email addresses and accounts that I opened with fervour, having decided that they would play some role in my big aha! That thing! But no, just another abandoned email account rattling around in the back of my brain, with the occasional forwarded email. I don’t delete the accounts because they might be connected to some program that I semi-use right now but can’t quite remember what it is or even if it is. So, I continue to forward email from these obsolete accounts connecting me daily to abandoned projects and other mental baggage. I want a new start. I want to wipe the slate clean and abandon everything! By this, I mean everything virtual. Everything that needs a user name and password or email address, or all three. Yes, that might be a good start. I will purge my virtual world and start fresh. No forwarding, no virtual chains reminding me of past, unfinished projects and ideas.
There is only one thing I can do. I have to get back to basics. I need to find my foundation and get a footing before I can launch into clear head space and a simpler life.