Depression, Success, And Lies Of The Mind

This is an excellent description of depression. I am dealing with it pretty badly right now. I’ve been sitting at my computer for hours intending to write, but I feel paralysed. The storm of circling thoughts have frozen me, rendering me unable to get anything done, and there are things I need to do. Even worse, the guilt and shame of not being able to start anything, to move at all for that matter, is adding to the storm in my head. It appears as though I haven’t moved or done anything all day, but my mind is under siege and it is taking all of my strength to battle the incessant thoughts and worries. A mind under siege is a hopeless one. I feel exhausted, nauseated, and weak, and it is getting scary.

I stumbled upon this post while sitting here unable to commit to anything in particular and it gave me a little glimpse of sanity through the fog. A reminder that what I am going through is part of my illness and will pass and that it is okay to get help. Sometimes it gets so dark that I forget it’s not my fault. It sure feels like it’s my fault, my failure.

I hope that tomorrow is brighter because I don’t want to fight this another full day. How bad does it have to be to go to a hospital? Would it be rude to take up time in the hospital when I have a doctor appointment in a couple of weeks? I think I need to talk to someone soon. In any case, I hope this article will bring a dose of reason to someone else who is lost in the dark.

The Dish

by Elizabeth Nolan Brown

spirit animalYesterday I bemoaned those who would turn Robin Williams’ death into a mandatory mass therapy session. But that isn’t to say I don’t appreciate some of the conversation his suicide is provoking. If you’ve never been clinically depressed, the idea that someone like Williams could possibly find life wanting tends to seem absurd.

But depression is a “lie of the mind,” to borrow an old Sam Shepard title. It cares not for your comedy-god status or your loving family. It cares not that plenty of people have it worse. “Depression is a skilled liar, using what you know is true as basis for a massive fraud,” wrote journalist John Tabin yesterday. “If you’re suicidal, you’re where I was five years ago,” he tweeted. “Please read”:

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I got teary-eyed reading that, and not just because Tabin is someone I know and like. There’s also the pain of recognition: I could have written nearly every word…

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4 Comments on “Depression, Success, And Lies Of The Mind

  1. I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time right now 😦 You are very much worth a visit to the hospital! That is what the doctors are there for. If I walked into a room and a diabetic was almost in a coma because for some reason they were not responding to their medication and their insulin levels where not where they needed to be I would call an ambulance. If they said they had an appointment with their doctor in 2 weeks it wouldn’t matter. They need attention right away. Their body’s chemicals and biology is not working correctly for them. How is that any different from someone who is dealing with bipolar or any other chemical or biological disorder? It’s all the same body… just different parts! I hope you will be feeling much better soon! I will be praying for you today. I consider you one of my blog friends 🙂 If you need to see a doctor, please do! You don’t need to feel bad about that at all 🙂
    Your friend, Jodi

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh boy! Sorry for taking so long to thank you for the support and kindness. I didn’t end up going to the hospital, whether that was a good decision or not I am not sure. It has taken this long to finally be able to face answering the phone, opening mail, email you name it. Other than curling up in a ball on the couch I was pretty much useless. I feel it starting to lift over the past two days and am finally able to write you back! It has been on my mind this whole time! I consider you my blog friend as well, so it was difficult for me to not be able to respond sooner. I have been noticing though that social media might be a pretty good way for friends and family to predict or recognise that their loved one might be approaching an episode. I have done a little research and I think that will be my next blog post actually. Thank you again so much for your support. It really did make a big difference to me.

      Like

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